Keeping Old Boyfriends

I am seeking advice on a troubling problem with now my ex girl friend. She sees nothing wrong with having ex boy friends as friends in our marriage. Even though she admits to fornicating with those men, she insists they are just friends and she will not cut loose these relationships

Q. I am seeking advice on a troubling problem with now my ex girl friend. Upon discussion of marriage and guy friends, she informed me that she sees nothing wrong with having ex boy friends as friends in our marriage. Even though she admits to fornicating with those men, she insists they are just friends and she will not cut loose these relationships.

Needless to say, I disagreed strongly and have only alienated her more with my strong distaste of the subject. I’m completely appalled but other then this subject she is a woman I thought for sure I would marry. She is great!

She says that she is forgiven and just because she chose the wrong path with these men that God put them into her life and she is not willing to let go of those relationships. So, what biblical reference if any could I show her that this is wrong? Is she wrong? Or am I wrong to insist she terminate these relationships?

A. God does not bring people into our lives for immoral purposes (James 1:13). Your girlfriend was attracted to these men and had sex with them because she wanted to, not because God brought them into her life.

In the commandments sex is forbidden outside of marriage. (Exodus 20:14) In the Sermon on the Mount Jesus told us that lustful thoughts are just as bad, even if they never come to fruition. (Matt. 5:28) Paul told the believers at Thessalonica to avoid even the appearance of evil (1 Thes. 5:22) Several passages command both the wife and the husband to put the other’s needs ahead of their own. (Ephes 5:22-31, 1 Peter 3:1-8, Col. 3:18-19)

But you don’t really want to beat your girl friend over the head with Bible verses that show her behavior is unacceptable to force her into compliance. What you want is for someone to cherish you enough to say that if it’s a problem for you, then she won’t do it.

Psychologists say that we should never knowingly bring something into the marriage that would hurt its chances for survival. The fact that the two of you can’t agree on something as basic as this calls the whole relationship into question. Yes, if she’s a believer and has asked, then she has been forgiven. But that doesn’t give her license to bring those relationships into your marriage over your objection, any more than you would be justified in clinging to something over her strong objection. We’re called to give ourselves up for each other.