Can I Marry A Man Who’s Been Engaged Before?

My boyfriend and are are both virgins and are talking about getting married one day. He was engaged back in college and his family and his fiancee’s family both knew about it (obviously, so did God). What do you think about the issue?

Q. At first my question may seem pretty cut-and-dry, but I am very interested to hear a biblically-based answer to something that has been on my mind lately –namely, what constitutes a marriage in God’s eyes.

My boyfriend and are are both virgins and are talking about getting married one day (we’re more believers in the concept of “courting”, not “dating”). He was engaged back in college and his family and his fiancee’s family both knew about it (obviously, so did God).

My question is whether their vows to each other in the form of engagement constitute him having been married before in the eyes of God (in which case “remarriage” is wrong). It’s hard for me to indentify what is God’s views without getting them confused with man’s present view of “engagement” as compared to the seriousness and perpetuity of biblical “betrothal” in those times (quite binding).

As I said, at face value, this seems like it would be an automatic answer of “of course he wasn’t married!” by modern evangelical standards and those of the government. But, if it’s not the act of sex in becoming one flesh, and it’s not public declaration and one before God (as the engagement was to their families), then what IS marriage?

This sounds outlandish, I know, but as a believer I know it is not right to marry someone who has been married before (excluding reasons of widowhood or adultery). If I choose to marry this man, I will rest well knowing it is right in the Lord’s eyes to do so. What do you think about the issue?

A. I think you may be confusing cultural practices with Biblical mandates. In Biblical times in Israel the betrothal was very important and could only be ended by divorce, even though there had been no sexual union or even unchaperoned visits between the bride and groom. But even then, it was the union of the two that made the marriage official and cohabitation acceptable.

In our culture the engagement is less formal, more of a statement of intent. Even when wedding vows are exchanged, a marriage can be annulled before consummation without formal divorce proceedings.

I don’t know of anyone who views the Biblical admonitions against divorce so narrowly as to preclude marriage to someone who’s previously been engaged, especially if that person is still a virgin. Seek the Lord’s blessing and unless He closes the door, marry the man with confidence.