I Can’t Get Over My Abortion
Q. Thank you for your site. It is early morning and and I awoke with life’s stresses bouncing in my head. The Lord comforted me and answered this day’s prayer through your site. So, please know that even while you sleep the Lord is working through you. I pray He will grant you and yours many blessings.
My turmoil began in late ‘97 when my husband and I found out I was pregnant. Shortly after finding out, an ultra-sound found some abnormalities and I was sent to a specialist hospital that had a 3D imaging ultra-sound. It confirmed what my doctor already thought, my baby had anencephaly. Anencephaly is basically a reverse spina bifida, where the head doesn’t close and the brain doesn’t form fully. I told my doctor that I couldn’t have an abortion as I believed it to be murder, but after my doctor explained that if the baby went full term it would only survive up to an hour. I thought of the pain that my baby might go through with (possibly) more developed brain tissue and I finally agreed to a D & C. Same effect as an abortion but supposedly more humane.
I am saved and know we live in a corrupt world, and that “bad things sometimes happen”. My problem is that I can’t lay it down. I have three beautiful little girls now, and a blessing they are, but on occasion the grief over my first child and the murder I allowed floats to the surface to haunt me. I just want to put it to rest and have peace, but I can’t seem to find the way.
A. Yours was a situation devoid of happy choices, and I wouldn’t presume to judge your actions. But this I know. The Lord knew of this in advance and grieved with you through it. I also know that every time we ask His forgiveness we receive it, (1 John 1:9) so if you’ve asked Him to forgive you, be assured that He has.
If that’s the case then the guilt you’re feeling is not of God but is the devil tormenting you. He’s able to do this because you haven’t let yourself receive God’s forgiveness. James 4:7 says if we draw near to God He’ll draw near to us and if we resist the devil he’ll flee from us. 2 Cor. 10:3-5 is about demolishing strong holds and is another good passage to study.
Romans 8:28 tells us that God is working everything together for the good of those who love Him. That doesn’t mean He causes bad things to happen, it means that if you let Him He’ll always bring something good out of them. Ask Him to show you the good in your situation and then start looking for it. As you do the enemy will realize he no longer has any influence over you in this matter and you’ll find peace.
