Where’s My Blessed Assurance?
Q. Although I grew up in the Oklahoma Bible Belt and my family members were Christians (the quiet, Presbyterian kind), I am totally unable to remember any time when I “went forward” to an alter to be “saved.” I can’t remember any time when I did not “believe,” but I learned the tenets of Salvation gradually over a period of years. I have never had an epiphany, and I am terribly envious of those who have; for whom it is so real, so memorable.
Despite prayers of more than 60 years for strength of faith, for “blessed assurance,” which God has never given me, I often ask myself whether I’m one of those vessels destined for destruction. There are so many times when I cannot even pray. I get distracted and doze off, even in daytime (I take very large narcotic doses for chronic paid documented on MRI). My wife claims to be neither atheist nor agnostic; her self-description is simply that God is not relevant; she doesn’t care whether He exists or not, so I have no help there.
A. Like you I was raised Presbyterian and never responded to an altar call because where I come from Presbyterians don’t do such things. I was born again at age 40 after being in church all my life, but for me it was a rush of logic not emotion. As I studied the remarkable record of fulfilled prophecy I became convinced that the Bible had to be the word of God. The only logical explanation was that Someone from outside the time domain was promising things in advance and then keeping those promises without fail.
As for vessels destined for destruction, that’s a misinterpretation of Scripture that has caused far too many people to worry like you are. The Author of Life did not destine anyone to destruction, and the assurance you seek is found through out the New Testament. In the Lord’s own words Matt. 7:7-8 says
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.”
I could go on and site John 3:16, John 6:38-40. Romans 10:9, Romans 10:13 and a number of other places. God had given you what He knows you need. The rest is up to you. Commit these promises to memory and repeat them when you feel uncertain, adding prayers of thenksgiving. The despair you feel is not from Him but from your enemy. Resist him and he’ll flee from you. (James 4:7) The Lord who saved you is trying to give you peace but you have to do your part (Phil. 4:4-7)
