A. The 5th commandment tells us to honor our parents.  As adults, this means the way we live our life should reflect well on them and be a source of validation for them.  It’s not just that we shouldn’t do anything that would cause them embarrassment or shame, but that their status would be elevated in the sight of their peers by the way we conduct ourselves.

However, the Hebrew word for honor does not convey a sense of obedience. As adults we’re responsible to make our own decisions and our parents have no right to run our lives. The Bible commands children to obey their parents, but it also warns fathers especially to avoid being overly critical of their children so as not to discourage them. (Colossians 3:20-21) I’ve always interpreted these verses as applying to children still living at home. If that’s the case with you, then it may be hard for your parents to think of you as an adult, and for you to remember that since they’re still supporting you, their rules carry greater weight than if you were out on your own.

A. Your marriage contract with your wife was “until death do you part.”  That means it expired when she died, so you are free to marry someone else.  If you do, that contract will also expire when either of you dies or the rapture comes.  In Heaven there will no marriage, nor will there be any jealousy, or any other kind of inter-personal conflict.  So feel free to marry if you like and don’t worry about it.  Everyone will get along just fine.

A. Remember that beginning in 1 Cor. 11 Paul’s focus was on orderly worship, so everything has to be looked at in that light.  And as you study all of Paul’s writing on the marriage relationship, you’ll see that he always differentiated between equality and submission.  There’s never a hint of male superiority, either in what he did or what he wrote.  In fact the entire New Testament is one of the most liberating documents ever written for women.

But from the beginning, there has been an order in creation that calls for man to be submissive to God and woman to be submissive to man.  For example, Jesus is equal to God in every way, but when He became a man He placed Himself in submission to God. (Phil. 2:6-7) That’s what Paul meant by obeying the law.  His point was that out of respect for God, it’s especially important for this order to be maintained in worship.

In 1 Cor. 11:5 Paul recognized that women would take part in worship, so that’s not the issue.  And voluntary submission to her husband obviously doesn’t apply to single women.  Paul’s instruction only seems strange to us because of the misguided notion that in order for women to be equal to men, they cannot be submissive to their husbands.

I  ask the Lord to help me and so far, I do not understand.  Maybe you could tell me what I’m missing.  I’ve asked the Lord of my life, Jesus my Savior, to take me as I am. I believe the Bible and it says all those who come to the Father through Jesus Christ will be saved.   I’m baptized in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.  I take communion and examine myself regularly.  I read the Bible and gain insight.  I love people more.  God answers my other prayers so I can understand; what does it mean that my spouse is so cruel?

We go to the same church, but he does not want to go to the same Sunday school classes or worship services with me, so I’m alone much of the time.  This is an ongoing issue throughout our entire married life.  We have a new pastor who is just learning the congregation (we go to a Methodist church), and I do not feel comfortable asking him.  I do not want to bring attention about this issue with anyone else at church either, because they see my husband as a good man and I do not want to hurt our two sons, ages 25 and 21 and their spouses, either.  If I showed this email to him, he would get very angry and sarcastic.

A. From your letter, it appears your problem has nothing to do with your faith and has everything to do with your relationship. You say your husband has been acting this way through out your life together, and my question to you is why? Have you ever asked him? It’s hard to believe, but he may be unaware of the effect this is having on you.  I suggest you study Matt. 18:15-27 and use it as a guide for speaking with him about it.   If that fails, and you don’t feel comfortable speaking with your husband about this in the presence of your pastor, find someone else, perhaps your sons.  They’re both adults, and you might be helping to prevent a similar problem developing between them and their wives in the process.

I am aware of the story,  Jesus told of the two men standing and praying…..but what do you say to the one that is proclaiming their own righteousness?   Sadly,  I find anger rising up in my own heart concerning it,  and then I feel guilty,  because I fall into judging another.  I used to be extremely religious and it made me quite smug… but by the Grace of God,  he led me to Pauls teachings which pulled the rug out from under my feet.  It was much easier to have faith in myself by keeping all the man made rules,  than to be honest with my wretched self and trust Christ to save me.  You would suppose that because I too was like this once,  I would know how to deal with it,  but I don’t.  Can you help?

A. Experts say we’re most impatient with the traits we see in others that we have overcome in our own lives.  (Think of former smokers for example.)  Overcoming these traits tends to make us less tolerant of others rather than more, probably because we know they can be overcome. If we let him, the enemy will use this awareness to defeat us, just like he formerly used the trait we’ve overcome.

If you think of your intolerance as an enemy attack, and treat it accordingly, you can defeat him again.  Reject your thoughts of judgment and anger in the Lord’s name (2 Cor. 10:3-5).  Resist the devil and he’ll flee from you (James 4:7).  Soon you’ll be at peace again.

She has three small daughters already, who love and depend on her. We are just so torn over this. She does not believe in abortion and feels as though God would never forgive her, but she is also very fearful of not being here for the daughters she loves so dearly. I just don’t know what to say to comfort her. I belive that the Lord is always in control, and that he will never give us more than we can handle. I have also been apart of a church that prayed for a miracle of this kind, and it did not turn out the way the church was praying for it to. I do not want to lose my daughter.   What are your thoughts on this subject?

A. It doesn’t sound like the Lord to put someone in such an untenable situation, so my question to you is, who made the decision for your daughter to get pregnant?  She has known about her medical condition for over a year.  If she and her husband were taking every precaution, but became pregnant in spite of their best efforts then it would be reasonable to believe that the Lord has a miracle in store for them.  But if that’s not the case and they became pregnant either by choice or as a result of poor judgment, then it’s a different matter and they’re facing some very serious consequences.

The decision to have an abortion or not is one only your daughter can make.  But if she has one, recognizes that it’s a sin, and sincerely asks God’s forgiveness,  then He will immediately forgive her since His death has already paid for all the sins of her life.

A. There aren’t very many verses that clearly describe our next life.  Here are 3 of the most revealing as far as relationships are concerned.

“Behold, I will create new heavens and a new earth. The former things will not be remembered, nor will they come to mind.” (Isaiah 65:16)

“At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven.” (Matt. 22:30)

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” (Rev. 21:3-4)

That said, I believe we’ll all know each other and will feel unconditional love and respect for each other, no matter what our past relationships have been. Beyond that only the Lord knows.

Since God hates divorce,do you think this is my Father’s will that I stay in a relationship that is not healthy for either me or my children and continue with my faith on the Lord for deliverance?  Is it wrong for me to want to leave him? I want so much to please God but I am not happy.  Everyday is a struggle and I can not see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know the Lord sees motive, and I fear that my motive is not to help my husband by leaving, but rather to satisfy my unhappiness that I feel around him.

A. You didn’t mention if your husband is a believer or if you’ve considered a trial separation to see if that will get his attention.  Nor did you say anything about any attempts at counseling.  This tells me you may be right about your motives, that you’re looking for a way out of the marriage, instead of looking for a way to fix it.  Check yourself on this.  Having been divorced before maybe your initial instinct is to leave when you’re unhappy.  My advice is to get some counseling to help you talk this through before you make any decisions, so you don’t wind up in the same situation a few years from now with another man.

My wife’s hostility to the mention of spiritual matters leads me to believe she is not entirely persuaded that God does not exist, but I still see nothing apart from His intervention to allow her to consider her need for salvation.

My question, then, is there any way, except by a spiritual awakening by God Himself, to “reach” an atheist who, by the nature of her unbelief, is unaware of a need for salvation?  Can one do anything except pray for God’s intervention in the case of a person who resists even the mention of things of a spiritual nature?

A. There are only 3 things we can do to influence another person in this area.  The first is to explain the gospel, the second is to demonstrate it in our own lives, and the third is to pray.

You’re right, the hostility is based in uncertainty.  But it’s also a sign of polarization, forcing the other person into a more extreme position than they would otherwise take.  Eventually it becomes impossible to retreat from such a position.

You’ve completed steps 1 and 2, now it’s time to focus on step 3.  Pray.

A. It sounds like your husband has a crush on a woman he’s never met.  Nor is he ever likely to meet her.  No one truly understands dreams, but there seems to be a consensus that dreams are symbolic.  That means the true meaning of the dream has nothing to do with reality, so it’s not what it seems.

Instead of being focused on your husband’s behavior, which you can’t control, focus on your own, which you can.  Think of this as an attack from the devil.  James 4:7 says to submit yourself to God.  Resist the devil and he’ll flee from you.  You can’t control your feelings but you can control your response to them.  When the devil tries to make you feel jealous or angry, reject the thought and rebuke him in the Lord’s name. Then ask the Lord to forgive you.  Use 2 Cor. 10:3-5 as a guide.  Remember also that the Lord has promised to work everything together for your good (Rom. 8:28). Ask Him to reveal the good that will come from this.