Born Gay?

Q. I can’t get enough of this website. It’s so full of useful information. Thank you for the time and energy you obviously put into it.

I read all I could on homosexuality as I have a brother-in-law who has left his wife of 17 years and three almost grown daughters, for another man. He has convinced himself and daughters that he fought off this desire for years until God told him he was born that way and must embrace the lifestyle for his happiness. His Christian parents are accepting him and his partner into the family, encouraging the grandchildren to call him “uncle”!

My question: My husband (his brother) and I have three young children and while we let him know we love him, we however do not approve of his actions, and we are not willing to embrace him while he is with his partner. In other words if they are coming together to family gatherings, we will not be present. We grapple with this, please know, but we strongly feel it sends a message to our kids that what they are doing is OKAY if we do! We also feel it sends the same message to him and his partner, if everyone acts as if what they are doing is okay. If everyone goes on as if nothing is wrong with the picture what is that really saying? Isn’t that Christians tolerating blatant sin? Our whole family has been torn apart over this!

A. I don’t know who told your brother-in-law that he was born a homosexual, but it wasn’t God. The thing we most depend upon where God is concerned is His word. We have to know that He doesn’t ever change His mind, or else He could suddenly decide to “unsave” us and we’d be hopelessly lost.

In Leviticus 18:22 God called homosexuality detestable. In Lev. 20:13 He made the act punishable by death, along with adultery, incest, and other sexual sins. In Romans 1:27 He called homosexuality a perversion and said that it’s a judgment for sin.

If He created some to be homosexuals, then He couldn’t condemn homosexuality this way, any more than He could condemn someone for having blue eyes. Neither can He condemn something so completely at one point and then accept it at another. God is the same, yesterday, today and forever. It’s clear that God views homosexuality as a sin like theft, murder, adultery, blasphemy, etc.

In Christianity we’re supposed to hate sin but love sinners, but that’s not the same as accepting or even tolerating behavior that’s sinful. Paul told the Corinthians to expel an immoral brother from the fellowship. (1 Cor. 5:1-11) Later, when he admitted his sin and asked their forgiveness, Paul told them to restore him. (2 Cor. 2:5-11)

The Lord is always working toward restoration and reconciliation, even if it takes an entire lifetime, and so should we. While leaving no question as to where you stand on his behavior, and why, be sure to continue expressing your love for your brother-in-law and your desire to be reconciled. Pray that God will keep all your hearts open to His will in accomplishing this.

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