My son whom I love with all my heart was saved as a young man and now after many years says he is gay and an atheist. I have told him that his father and I love him and accept him but not his lifestyle. He is now telling us that we have to accept he and his partner and meet him or he will never see us again (they live in another state). It is easy for people to say cut him off etc., but this is my son and my heart is grieving. I told him no we can’t, it goes against our convictions of what we believe the word of God says about it. Our family says we are not accepting him and showing him love if we don’t meet his partner. I am so torn and don’t want to lose my son, but want to show him God’s heart. If we say yes to meeting his partner, aren’t we saying we accept it? Please help me!
First, if your son was truly saved as a young man, as you indicate, then he’s still saved today. 2 Cor.1:21-22 and Ephesians 1:13-14 both say that we were included in Christ from the time we first believed and that God has sent His spirit to dwell in our heart as a deposit guaranteeing that. Jesus said it’s His Father’s will that He should lose none of those the Father has given Him (John 6:37-40), and that no one can take us out of His hands (John 10:27-30). Therefore, regardless of His claims to the contrary, your son would still belong to the Lord.
If you want to show him God’s heart, first read Romans 7:15-20. In that passage Paul explained how God is able to separate the believer from their behavior. He said when we sin (and homosexuality is a sin) God attributes it to the sin that still lives within us, and not to we ourselves. He can do this because when we accepted the Lord’s death as payment for our sins it covered all the sins of our life (Colossians 2:13-14), and He knows that when He perfects us we’ll receive a new immortal body and the sinful part of us will no longer exist (1 Cor. 15:51-53). That being the case, He chooses to see us that way now (2 Cor. 5:17).
In the meantime, your son will suffer many things because of his lifestyle choice. But if he is saved, he can’t suffer the loss of his Savior, and shouldn’t have to suffer the loss of his mother. Forcing you to meet his partner against your wishes demonstrates a clear lack of sensitivity on your son’s part. But showing him that you love him no matter what does not mean that you accept his behavior. It means you’re showing him God’s heart.