Honoring My Parents

Q. I want to obey my parents and show them respect, but sometimes it feels that their expectations are unreasonably high. When I was a child, sure, I could understand but now that I’m 25 and (naturally) getting older by the year, it feels like a huge burden sometimes as they are refusing to let me go.  What does the Bible say about obedience to our parents? What is considered “obedient?” Does it mean we must follow every command they issue? What is considered “respect and honor?” How far can they go in terms of demanding respect and honor? How far must I go to make them feel respected and honored?  I would greatly appreciate some insight as I really don’t want to disobey the 5th commandment.

A. The 5th commandment tells us to honor our parents.  As adults, this means the way we live our life should reflect well on them and be a source of validation for them.  It’s not just that we shouldn’t do anything that would cause them embarrassment or shame, but that their status would be elevated in the sight of their peers by the way we conduct ourselves.

However, the Hebrew word for honor does not convey a sense of obedience. As adults we’re responsible to make our own decisions and our parents have no right to run our lives. The Bible commands children to obey their parents, but it also warns fathers especially to avoid being overly critical of their children so as not to discourage them. (Colossians 3:20-21) I’ve always interpreted these verses as applying to children still living at home. If that’s the case with you, then it may be hard for your parents to think of you as an adult, and for you to remember that since they’re still supporting you, their rules carry greater weight than if you were out on your own.