I am struggling with thoughts about my salvation. I accepted Jesus when I was young. I fell away many times and always came back to him. Did I desensitize myself to the Holy Spirit? I feel cold and uncaring.
You didn’t fall away, you wandered off. And you didn’t come back, the Lord went after you and brought you back. This is how it is between the Shepherd and His sheep. As a believer, your salvation is not based on your behavior, it’s based on His promise never to lose you (John 6:37-40).
If you feel cold and uncaring it’s because the guilt you feel for your sins has allowed the enemy to steal the joy of your salvation. But you can get it back by choosing to do things differently. As the saying goes, if you want to feel the way you used to feel, do the things you used to do. Confess your sins, worship the Lord, read His word, fellowship with believers. You get the idea.