Q. I have had periods when I have been close to God and periods when I lived in adultery and alcoholic fogs. I have asked for forgiveness, but have never “felt” forgiven and I daily live with the regret and guilt of the things I did to totally wreck my career and my first marriage. I know I am paying the natural price now (not God’s punishment) for my own acts. I think I have been forgiven, but I lack the “Blessed Assurance” I have prayed for.
I think that God, knowing my pride, wants to keep me doubting so I will stay in constant contact with Him. It’s either that or I am not really saved and have been deluding myself. Would God let that happen?