I’m a Christian yet I have sinned. I went outside my marriage and had a child by another man. My husband forgave me and we are still married and the child will never know the truth. Unfortunately, I lied about the true identity of the person to my husband. It’s now five years plus since he forgave me and I’m afraid to revisit the incident and to tell the full truth. I have been faithful since but I am still burdened and fearful of the future if I continue to keep details secret. I don’t know what to do and how to feel. As a true believer should I lay everything out or can I ask God to forgive my deception for fear of hurting my husband once again.
Your husband has forgiven you. If you’ve confessed your sin to God then He’s forgiven you too. He did this because Jesus took all your sins to the cross and paid the penalty for them there (Colossians 2:13-14). He has also purified you from all your unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). So what would you gain by opening up these old wounds? I think your desire to confess to your husband again is a sign that you haven’t forgiven yourself yet. Maybe you think if you can get him to forgive you again it will be OK to forgive yourself.
You should understand that guilt is a tool that Satan uses to keep us in a state of misery. The Bible says to submit yourself to God. Resist the devil and he’ll flee from you (James 4:7) Whenever these feelings of guilt come up, remind yourself that you’ve already been forgiven. Resist the devil by asking God to take away your guilt. By doing this you’ll be taking the thought captive and making it obedient to Christ (2 Cor. 10:3-5). Soon the guilt feelings will go away and you won’t have needlessly jeopardized your marriage again.