Getting Peace About My Mother’s Death

Q. I am having hard time getting perspective on the death of my mom. I had become her car giver and we fought a good fight together. She overcame much and was a best friend and guide. She was not perfect and there were still issues between us, but she was a deep part of my life. I took care of her for the last 15 years. I even saved her life on many occasions.

In October, she suddenly fell very ill- i had a bad feeling about it. She became confused, weak and had to go on oxygen. I then spent 3 months and innumerable visits to doctors, specialists and the nursing home to try to get answers as to what was wrong with my mom. I never did get that answer, in fact the week before she died, the doctor told me that she was fine and why did our family insist on getting her into the hospital.

The nursing was as good as possible, but they kept calling me telling me something was bad wrong and the doc was not doing anything. I did not know who to believe. Mom kept failing. It was horrible.

Finally after being told she was in congestive heart failure after those 3 months, mom lasted another week and after a good visit having no idea she was dying, she peacefully went on a few days later, but i did not get to see her or be with her again. I am having a hard time forgiving the horror of these last months and the pain the docs put me through. Can you help me with some perspective?

A. There’s nothing in the Bible that says we have to accept incompetence from the people we hire. Nor is there any prohibition against taking an unbeliever to court for justice if it comes to that. If you think your doctor was negligent, consult with an attorney. A reputable one should be willing to give you a free consult, and if he thinks you have a case may agree to take part of any settlement as his fee. That means if he doesn’t win, you don’t have to pay anything.

In the mean time, it’s a sin to be angry, even if it’s justified. (Ephes. 4:26) Ask the Lord to forgive you, and then put the outcome in His hands. If after prayer you think seeking justice for the doctor’s incompetence is the right thing to do, then proceed. You weren’t able to prevent him from ignoring your mother’s condition, but you might be able to prevent it happening to someone else. By continually placing the outcome in the Lord’s hands, you’ll be at peace about it and you’ll be letting Him take vengeance, if that’s what He wills.

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