I understand from your website that you are of the OSAS opinion/belief. I am a bit confused on this issue, but I do hope that perhaps it may be the case, it does give some hope for the likes me.
Given that I am a former minister and during my time as a minister I hit my wife on more than occasion and leaving ministry because of this, falling into drug use, adultery, alcoholism and defaming Christ using the most filthy language and curses; I hope most earnestly that there is grace even for men of my kind, with or without OSAS.
None of your sins came as a surprise to the Lord, since He foresaw them all, nailed them to His cross, died for them, and in the process forgave you in advance. (Colossians 2:13-15) By His once for all time sacrifice He has made you perfect forever in God’s sight. (Hebrews 10:12-14) If you have sincerely confessed these sins, you have been forgiven and purified from all your unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9) At the moment you first believed, He sealed His Holy Spirit within you as a guarantee of your inheritance, (Ephes 1:13-14) and accepted responsibility for keeping you saved (2 Cor 1:21-22). He has promised never to lose you but to raise you up at the last day. (John 6:38-40) There are no verses in the Bible that negate or limit these promises. You are saved by grace through faith. (Ephesians 2:8-9) and there’s nothing you or anyone else can do to change that. (Romans 8:38-39)
I could go on but I believe you understand what I’m telling you. The doubt you’re expressing is a manifestation of the difficulty you have in believing the Lord could save “a man of your kind.” It’s a tool the enemy uses frequently to convince us we’re unworthy of the Lord’s love. Well guess what, he’s right, we are unworthy. But the Lord loves us anyway, and He loves you just the same as if you had never sinned, because the penalty for your sins was paid by the Blood of Jesus. He has forgiven you and forgotten them. You and the Lord are square.