Keeping Old Boyfriends

Q. While discussing our marriage and her guy friends, my girlfriend said she sees nothing wrong with maintaining relationships with her ex boyfriends after we’re married. She admits to having sex with them in the past, but says they are just friends now and wants to keep them around as such. In fact she insists upon it.

I objected strongly and have now alienated her. I’m completely appalled because she is a woman I thought for sure I would marry.

She says God put these men into her life and has forgiven her for choosing the wrong path with them. Therefore, she is not willing to let go of the relationships. Is she wrong? Or am I wrong to insist she end them?

A. First, God does not bring people into our lives for immoral purposes (James 1:13). Your girlfriend was attracted to these men and had sex with them because she wanted to, not because God brought them into her life.

Second, there are several passages in the Bible that command both the wife and the husband to put the needs of their spouse ahead of their own (Ephes 5:22-31, 1 Peter 3:1-8, Col. 3:18-19).

But you don’t really want to beat your girlfriend over the head with Bible verses in an effort to force her into compliance.

In my opinion, the fact that you can’t come to an agreement on something like this calls the whole relationship into question. Yes, if she’s a believer and has asked, then she has been forgiven. But that doesn’t give her license to bring those relationships into your marriage over your objection, any more than you would be justified in insisting upon something over her strong objection.

I’d say you both need to seek the Lord’s will on this before moving ahead with your relationship.

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