I spent years in an on again off again relationship with a man who promised to become a believer and marry me but never did. I finally had to move to another state to be free of him. I’m now settled into a great church family, but I feel like I’m no longer as close to God as I used to be. I wonder if I’ve blown my chance to find a God fearing man, and am afraid I may have even lost my place in heaven. Please help me understand and pray for me as well.
First of all, let’s settle the matter of you going to heaven. Both 2 Cor. 1:21-22 and Ephesians 1:13-14 say your inheritance (eternal life with the Lord) was guaranteed when you first believed. God has forgiven you for all the sins of your life (Colossians 2:13-14) and has reserved a place in His Kingdom for you (Romans 8:29).
Second, God has not moved away from you. James 4:8 makes a promise that when we draw near to God He will draw near to us. It sounds like the problem may be due to you not forgiving yourself and therefore not feeling worthy of a close relationship with Him. God’s mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23). He has forgiven you for your past and He has forgotten all about it. To Him you’re a new creation in Christ, as righteous as He is (2 Cor. 5:17,21). As soon as you forgive yourself you’ll find Him right beside you, where He’s been all along.
You will also find the right man. As you come close to God again He will lead you toward the desire of your heart (Psalm 37:4).