Please, Please, Help!

Q. We have the most godly daughter any one has ever met. Pastors, youth group leaders, other parents all use her as the example of Christian womanhood.

She has finally identified the person she wishes to spend the rest of her life with. He is, of course, saved, and by all outward appearances “nice” in every way.

All along we have all had a check in our spirit. When she met him, he was depressed, suicidal, and in is own words: “…wanting to go to the mission field to die in obscurity.” Having our daughter in his life has breathed new life into him and God has “healed him” of all the other garbage.

My husband was called by “him” and informed they are getting married. Our daughter has moved (from the town where she is currently enrolled in a master’s program) and not given us her address or phone. She has turned her back on us because we did not bow to their proclamation.

What is your feeling on all of this? Are we wrong not to go along even though we feel it would be handing our daughter over to a person we do not trust? When is it ever okay for a daughter to shun her father’s authority? I see no magical age. I believe everyone is under a God-specified authority. Whose is she under presently? Is there no consequence? Will God honor her tearing away?

Please, please help.

A. I’ve been in prayer as to what advice I could give you. Finally I have a peace about suggesting the following.

First, prayerfully read the parable of the Prodigal son and put your daughter in the place of the younger son. (Luke 15:11-32) Then swallow your pride, rebuke your anger in the name of Jesus, and tell your daughter that if this is what she really thinks God wants her to do, then you’ll support her and would like to participate in the wedding. Make peace with your soon-to-be son-in-law, too. You don’t have to like him but you do have to accept him as your daughter’s choice.

You’ve described her as such a perfect child that I’m suspicious that all of her pent up rebellion has exploded to the surface in this one event. If so, then talking about whose authority she’s under will only make things worse. The most important thing is for the lines of communication between you and her to be open when she realizes the mistake she’s made and needs someone to love her unconditionally while she mends. Remember, I said love her unconditionally. She’ll have punished herself sufficiently, and Jesus has already paid the price for her sin. Since He’s forgiven her, you can do the same.

If you’re wrong about this man and she does truly want to spend the rest of her life with him, you certainly want to be a part of it too. Right or wrong, being estranged from your daughter is too big a price to pay.

The Lord waited patiently for you and I to come around and recognize that He knows better than we what’s best for us. Now it may be your turn to do the same for your daughter.

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