Should I Stay Or Leave?

Q. When I got married I made a commitment before God to make my wife as happy as I could without being selfish, always trying to love her just as Jesus loved the church. Since both of our parent’s marriages ended in divorce, I was determined to make an extra effort. I know that we are human and we could never really accomplish that, but that’s the example that we’re supposed to follow.

Now it’s 6 years later, and I’ve become involved with another woman. I deeply care for my wife and children, but feel that I would just be sacrificing myself for their happiness while I don’t have the desire to be with my wife like I use to. I have not spoken to anyone about this, but I’m praying that I find someone that is unbiased and will not give me a “religious” answer, but Bible based counseling. I know that God forgives any sin and can restore my marriage, but I feel like I don’t want to try anymore. Right now I’m with my wife because I know that is what God wants, that people around me would suffer if I left, and that my pastor and leaders would be disappointed in me. About my children, I love them, but my parents stayed together for many years because of us and lived a very unhappy life until they finally got a divorce.

I’m not looking for the easy way out, but I also don’t want to live in an unhappy marriage. I have asked God for forgiveness and I know I have been forgiven, but I’m having a very difficult time knowing what direction to take. Please help me.

A. You’ve answered your own question. You know you’ve sinned, you know God wants you to stay with your family, and that it would be very hard on the people around you if you leave. You know that God will help you restore your marriage if you want. (By the way, that means restore it to a happy healthy relationship.)

The only remaining issue is whether you’re willing to trust Him to do that and make everyone happy, or whether you think the only way for you to be happy is if you leave. No one can decide that for you. It’s between you and the Lord.

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