I am a believer and a bible teacher. However, I struggle so badly with faith. For some reason I cannot grasp that God loves me and wants the best for me and He will carry me through no matter what. Does this mean that I am not saved if I cannot let go and completely trust?
Faith is like a muscle. It gets stronger with exercise. The Bible gives us two ways to exercise our faith. One is regular reading of God’s Word, because faith comes through hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ (Romans 10:17)
The other is living by faith and not by sight (2 Cor. 5:7). You practice this by applying the things you learn in your reading to your daily life, striving to live in a manner that’s pleasing to God. We don’t do this to earn anything, but out of gratitude for what we’ve been given.
Remember, any muscle that’s not exercised regularly grows weak. This is compounded by the fact that we’re taught to be self reliant, or to rely on the things of this world rather than God. So like any exercise program, living by faith takes a little getting used to, but with practice anyone can do it.
As for your salvation, according to Ephes. 2:8-9 the faith to be saved is a gift from God and is not of ourselves. That means when you asked God to save you, He gave you enough faith to believe He agreed to your request. Then He sent His Holy spirit as a deposit guaranteeing your inheritance (Ephes. 1:13-14). So your salvation is not an issue.