Can I Marry My Former Boyfriend’s Brother?

Q. Can I marry my former boyfriends brother?

Its a complicated situation but my first love “Jo” has now after 15 years told me he loves me too. The problem is since we broke up, I went out with his brother, I always loved “Jo” and the relationship with his brother “Nik” has always been strained because of the original relationship I had with “Jo”. I feel like I could have gone back to Jo but now Nik and I have a daughter together, and Nik is a very jealous character. But I have resolved that I cannot be with Nik as his spirit is not right. He has no interest in coming to church with me.

Jo is not the best choice either but the problem is I think I love him. And now that my feelings for him are returned I am so happy. One of my friends said its incestuous, and I want to know if that is true. I have done some research on love triangles and I realise thats what I am in and that i must not go straight into one relationship from another. I am not seeing either of then right now. What should I do?

A. Let’s get the easy question out of the way first. Incest is when you have a relationship with your own brother, not your boyfriend’s brother.

It sounds like you took up with Nic because you couldn’t have Jo but now that Jo’s available again you no longer want Nic. You’ve made a number of bad choices here. The biggest is having a child with Nic when you love Jo. I think you should pray long and hard about whether it’s right for you to be with either one of them. For example how can you expect to have a healthy relationship with either one of them when the other will always be around? You say Nic is very jealous. How will you feel if these brothers come to hate each other because of you? Will you be OK with coming between them? This is a situation that’s more likely to get worse than better as long as you’re in it. You’re free of both of them now. Maybe it’s better for you to stay that way.

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