Q. My entire life, I have never cheated on anyone. Not a girlfriend, not anyone. I have been married for a little over 3 years, and now I constantly wrestle with wanting to cheat. Even though the sex has declined in my marriage over the past year, I am still very happy with my wife. I am, however, getting sick of always having the thought of cheating enter my head, whether I am awake or asleep.
I just want it to stop. My second problem is related to the first. I find that since the sex has declined, I view pornography more. I feel bad sometimes, but when I do view it, it seems to quench the cheating urge for a little while. Am I just fooling myself with this idea?
A. A sign in my dentist’s office reads, “Ignore your teeth. They’ll go away.” Well that’s not the way it is with Satan’s attacks. If you don’t actively contend against them, he thinks you’re accepting them and will keep them up.
Being a military man you can understand that when you’re under attack, you need to strike back. 2 Cor. 10:3-5 says that we have divine weapons with the power to demolish strongholds. Use them. James 4:7-8 tells us to draw near to God and resist the devil, and he’ll flee from you.
To me that means rebuke the thoughts of infidelity as tools of the devil. Ask the Lord to forgive you for allowing such thoughts to distract you and to protect you from these attacks. When thoughts of cheating come up, consciously strive to replace them with other purer ones as Phil 4:8-9 suggests, not by turning to porn which is a form of surrender.
Recognize that loving your wife is something you do, not just something you feel, and actively love her like before you were married. In other words, go on the offense. You’re fighting for your spiritual well being as well as marital happiness.