Submissive Wife, Loving Husband

Q. I have observed that in many sermons and conferences concerning the roles of husbands and wives, Col.3:18 gets about 4 seconds and 3:19 gets expounded upon at length, with a thunderous “congregation clap” breaking out when the speaker finally concludes that the breakdown of Christian marriages would cease if only men would start 3:19ing it (or something like that).

I see the unwillingness of women to submit to their husbands as the number 1 cause of divorce. A person only has to watch TV for a few minutes to see that men are being portrayed as football watching idiots who need to be constantly corrected by their wives. I dare say that the church is complicit in this propaganda campaign.

I would like to hear from you about this – before I pick up a copy of that new book:
“the woman driven church”

A. The Lord didn’t design marriage to be a win lose deal for either party, but if both do their part it works wonderfully. In your reference Col. 3:18 (Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord) is the woman’s part and Col. 3:19 (Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them) is the man’s. Just as a woman won’t want to submit to a man whose attitude is “I get two votes and you only get one,” neither will a man be comfortable giving himself up (that’s what the Greek word for love means) for a woman just to have her repeatedly take advantage of him.

A teacher who gives emphasis to the man’s responsibility over the woman’s, or vice versa, is compounding the problem rather than facilitating a solution and doing more harm than good. Both have to be 100% committed to their role in the marriage out of love for each other, and more importantly, out of love for the Lord, who is the third party in every Christian marriage.

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