2 years ago I really felt like God was calling me back to Him, calling me out of sin and into a new life. So I left NYC and moved back to Nashville where my family lives to get back on my feet spiritually. I found a great church, and a mentor who walked with me through the pain of leaving everything I loved. I really felt hopeful that I was going to have a relationship with Christ that would make leaving it all be worthwhile. Well, it’s been 2 years now, and I don’t feel like God is close to me at all. Why can’t He meet me halfway and at least let me be happy here?
Outward actions don’t impress the Lord. It’s the motive of our heart that counts. I’m sure you don’t intend to, but you sound like the Israelites in the desert, who lived down the street from God and had all their needs met, but wished they were back in Egypt (Numbers 11:4-6). By your actions, you’ve tried hard to demonstrate your intention to change your life, but your remorse over what you’ve left behind shows your heart hasn’t caught up yet.
James 1:7-8 says the double-minded person is unstable in all he does and shouldn’t expect anything from the Lord. Stop wishing that he would replicate your New York life in Nashville and start asking what He wants you to do for Him. Once you fully commit yourself to being in a relationship with Him things will begin to change. He promised you’ll find Him when you seek Him with all your heart (Jeremiah 29:13, Matt. 7:7-8).
And most of all remember this. God doesn’t meet us halfway. He came all the way from where He was to where you are, so He could be in a relationship with you. Now He waiting for you to come “all the way” to Him.