For the past 9 years my emotional, mental & physical health has been suffering from all of the stress & losses I have suffered. I stopped going to church & went cold toward God because of the pain, anguish & grief I have suffered for so long. My heart is broken. I have been having serious doubts that God even exists as I heard only silence when I reached out to God over & over for intervention & healing. I have thrown myself into the Word, reading many good Christian books & have sought counsel from Friends & a Christian counselor for the past 6 months. I can’t even find a mustard seed of faith. I have doubts all day long about if God even exists. I don’t know what else to do. I don’t want to ever give up but it is such a difficult struggle. Is there anything you can suggest beyond what I am doing now? I have been filled with anger & rebellion toward God as to why he did not help me. Any help you can give me would be so appreciated. I am running out of hope!
From what you’ve told me it sounds like you are angry with God because of all the things that have happened and have severed your relationship with Him. This has opened the door to Satan and allowed him to take full advantage of your suffering to make you feel even worse. From all your studying you should know that God didn’t cause these things to happen to you. We are all sinners who live in a sin filled world where bad things can happen without cause.
God is not responsible for our sins or for the fact that we live in a fallen creation. Satan is responsible for that, and he’s the one making you miserable. You will find peace when you apologize to God for your anger and ask Him to forgive you. When you do this with a sincere heart, you will find Him right at your side where He’s been all along, waiting to comfort you in your loss.
James 4:7-8 says, “Submit yourselves then to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Come near to God and He will come near to you.”