Can I Have Sex Before Getting Married?

Q. Is it OK if I have sex with a partner that I am committed to even though we’re not married? I ask because I want to get to know someone for a long time and not rush into a marriage.  I can still want to know him for a long time before I decide to make it a permanent thing and get married, declaring it to the world by a ceremony.

So the short of it is, I want to be able to have sex without condemnation. I don’t know how much longer I can wait. The desire to have sex only grows within me, to be connected and sharing my life with a man only grows stronger and stronger each day.

A. The Bible says that sex outside of marriage is a sin. In 1 Cor. 7:8-9 Paul wrote that abstinence is best but that it’s better to get married than to burn with passion. If you can’t keep your sexual urges dormant while you see if you’ve found the perfect mate, then according to this it’s better to marry.

Personally I wonder if you’re trying to avoid making a commitment to marriage while still enjoying the benefits of being married. You say you want to get to know your mate well before deciding to marry him, but you want to share your most intimate self with him immediately. You can’t make your marriage perfect no matter how long you wait, but God routinely took couples who had never been alone together before their wedding night and turned them into life long lovers. I suggest that if you want His help in giving you a great marriage, you should do your part by playing by his rules.

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