Sex In The Congregation

Q. I have been coming to this sight for a few months and I have been helped by your advice on so many issues that I have had for years. I feel that you can give me some biblical help on my present situation.

I am a member of a bible teaching church and I am in turmoil about how to forgive a person who has hurt me very much. I was dating a man who invited me to church with him. We were not in a committed relationship but we were intimate with each other. I wanted more and he stated that he was waiting on God to lead him to a decision like marriage. I loved him in a way that I haven’t loved before and I felt that he was my husband but he stated that he wasn’t ready and we argued a lot.

During one of our arguments he stated that we should stop seeing each other because he didn’t feel the same way that I did. My feelings were hurt so I agreed with him. We only saw each other at church for a couple of weeks and then we got back together intimately.

After the reunion I found out that a member of the church, who was invited by me, and who is my nephew’s girlfriend and the mother of his children went to his house one night and they had sex. This happened after we agreed to end our relationship.

After we reunited she tried to have sex with him again but she failed. When I found out I was very upset and I stopped talking to both of them and there was conflict at the church. After all of this he and I were married and this woman is still a member of the church. She is not married to my nephew and they are now expecting their third child.

Finally, (smile) how do I forgive? I can only see her as a snake and I want to love her and see her as a fellow believer. How do I get past her hurting me and forgive. I am the pastor’s daughter-in-law and my husband is a faithful member of this church and I have been in all types of denominations of Christian churches and this is the only one that teaches the word of God according to the word and not their own personal beliefs. I don’t want to leave, but how do I forgive so that I can stay. Please help me.

A. This is a good example of what can happen when un-Biblical relationships are brought into the Church. The enemy exploits every opportunity to sow dissension, jealousy, and other unhealthy emotions. If allowed to continue they can tear a congregation apart, and this is his goal.

You, your husband, your nephew, and his girl friend are all living outside of God’s protection because you all have unconfessed sin in your lives. You’re fair game for the enemy and he’s taking full advantage. You and your husband need to confess to the Lord and be forgiven. Him for his sexual sins and you for both sexual sin and anger. Your nephew and his girl friend need to confess their sins and make their relationship conform to God’s standards. After having three children together, what’s keeping them from getting married? The girl friend also needs to confess her infidelity to God and commit to remaining faithful to her husband.

Apparently, your father-in-law is the Pastor of the Church. As members of his family, you’re perceived as being part of the leadership and have a responsibility to set a Godly example. In 1 Thes. 5:22 we’re told to avoid even the appearance of evil.

Once you’ve confessed and been restored to fellowship, ask the Lord to replace your spirit of anger with one of forgiveness. Claim the promise of James 4:7-8. Stay in fellowship with the Lord and He’ll do the rest. It may take some time, but He can heal all of you.

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