Q. Several years ago my husband and I found out I was pregnant. Shortly afterward, an ultra-sound revealed some abnormalities and I was sent to a specialist. He confirmed that my baby’s head wasn’t closing and so his brain wasn’t forming fully. I told my doctor I couldn’t have an abortion as I believed it to be murder, but he explained that even if the baby went full term it would only survive an hour or so. I finally agreed to a D & C. Same effect as an abortion but supposedly more humane.
I am saved and know we live in a world where “bad things sometimes happen”. My problem is that I can’t lay it down. I have three beautiful little girls now, and a blessing they are, but on occasion the grief over my first child and the murder I allowed floats to the surface to haunt me. I just want to put it to rest and have peace, but I can’t seem to find the way.
A. Yours was a situation devoid of happy choices, and I wouldn’t presume to judge your actions. But I know the Lord grieved through it with you. I also know that every time we ask His forgiveness we receive it, (1 John 1:9) so if you’ve asked Him to forgive you, be assured that He has.
That being the case then the guilt you’re feeling is not of God but is the devil tormenting you. He can do this because either a) you haven’t accepted God’s forgiveness, or b) you haven’t forgiven yourself, or c) both. Here are three things to consider.
James 4:7-8 says if we resist the devil he’ll flee from us and if we draw near to God He’ll draw near to us.
2 Cor. 10:3-5 says we have divine power to take thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ.
Romans 8:28 tells us God is working everything together for the good of those who love Him. That doesn’t mean He causes bad things to happen, it means that if you let Him He’ll always bring something good out of them. Your three beautiful daughters might be the fulfillment of that promise.
As you focus on these things the enemy will realize he no longer has any influence over you in this matter. He will stop tormenting you, and you will find the peace you’ve been seeking.